Meadowland Miracle

The punter was nervous,
Stomach tightly wound.
He had but one task:
to kick out of bounds.

The game was tied up
Few seconds remaining.
Do what your told,
Or from the coach get a caning.

But he kicked a low knuckle ball
That gave fans a cringe reaction.
Because back to receive
Was one DeSean Jackson

He, too, was surprised
The ball was not kicked out of bounds,
How else do you explain
why he dropped it on the ground?

But Jackson recovered
You just knew that he would.
He made New York's special teams
Not look so good.

He dashed and he darted,
He spun as he ran.
His fast moving feet
Made most of us fans.

Then he did something
That made him a hero:
He waited to score
Until the clock read all zeros!

Jackson's return
Made Eagle fans quite jolly.
And to think he learned it all
While at Long Beach Poly!

It’s the start of the season
Everything’s new
All teams have a chance
(Yes, Raiders do, too)

Preseason on Saturday
Pacific Northwest is the place
The Chargers will kick
The Seahawks outa their place

LT is back,
Merriman, too
Seattle will wonder
What they can do

In reality, folks
Winning don’t matter
Preseason is all
About getting better, not fatter

Sure, I’d like to start
Off on a good note,
But I’d go oh-and-four now
If it meant to get rid of that goat (the Super Bowl-less goat, that is)

And let’s keep our boys healthy,
It’s a long season after all,
And the Chargers will be playing
Into next Spring, not just this Fall

Grown Men Will Cry Today

Grown men will cry today;
It will happen everywhere.
Men who have put cheese on their head
Will sob and curse and swear.

Brett Favre retired today
With not much flash or bluster.
The last pass in his glosiour career
Was caught by Corey Webster.

The only problem with that pass
Is Webster was with New York.
Favre's last pass was intercepted
And Green Bay's Super Bowl hopes came up short.

Favre's legacy is long and proud
And people will remember his fun-loving ways.
But will they gloss over his addictions
Or his knack for bone-headed plays?

But Favre is in the record books
And deserves all the praise he gets.
He made watching football mighty fun,
And the troubles of life we would forget.

Rodger the Dodger

Mister Clemens, please tell me, what is the truth?
Did steroids and chemicals help you improve?
Or are you the hero I read about it books?
Mister Clemens, please tell me, what is the truth?

Why, oh why, would you lie to the Feds?
If they catch you, you know you are dead.
Won't they just measure your expanding head?
Why, oh why, would you lie to the Feds?

Rodger, hey Rodger, was it perjury?
I wasn't convinced with your testimony.
I came away thinking you were lying to me.
So Rodger please tell me if it was perjury.

Does Clemens deserve to go the Hall of Fame?
Did he embarrass his Holy name?
Has he destroyed his only claim,
That he is so worthy as the best in the game?

Spygate

The Patriots have become a great dynasty
But now it's tainted with controversy.

Belichick, it seems, taped since he arrived.
Is that the reason the Patriots thrive?

The coaches are the ones who are to blame.
The players just go out and play a good game.

Brady is Brady and one of the best,
But did the advantage help him pass the test?

It sure seems to me New England had an edge
And Beli-cheat's antics are hard to defend.

Don't punish the players for the coach's dirty trick,
But the Patriot wins should come with an asterick.

NBA Trade deadline Haiku

King James gets his wish
Wallace and Wally join Cavs
Will it lead to rings?

Ring the Bell

Outscored forty-one zero by Kobe,
And only pulling down one rebound in the game,
Raja Bell suffered a fate worse than those.
Late in the fourth defending Kobe's drive,
Shaq's elbow connects right on Bell's bald head.
Down goes Raja! Raja Bell goes down hard!
Weakly rising to his knees, Bell walks away.
But within seconds a golf ball appears.
Lesson to all Sun players is engrained:
A new force is here, don't get in his way!